A walk in the rain

Had a long bath again. A sign of a disturbed mind. It was raining and it was warmer than usual today. I decided to take a walk outside. Headed out to get some french vanilla coffee mix. Instead of cycling, I walked. Raindrops; remedy for tangled consciousness.

Somehow, the rain would be present during gloomy days as if to help me cleanse my thoughts. Nature is powerful. Feeling the touch of cold drops on my skin I walked and watched the liveliness along the streets. The place I was walking to had this indie sensation. I saw street performers. A man singing country songs, playing a guitar. It was good and filled the empty mind. Music is medicine. Songs answer a call for cure.

Then I saw a group of guys with that hardy appearance, addicts. I stared, my mind was just seeking for something and it just wandered. One of them saw me staring and called out, "Ganja?" My mind was simply empty at that time around. I smiled and walked along. Then I stopped and wondered, why did I smile? Was that the right expression? I don't know. It was all tangled. Confusion.

I got what I wanted to buy and I felt like eating something. Got myself an egg tart from a bakery along the way. Enjoyed eating it under the rain. I walked home.

Square Root of Three

This is a poem written by David Feinberg. Its in the movie Harold and Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay.
I can't stop listening to it. Its beautifully written. Love it!

I fear that I will always be
A lonely number like root three

The three is all that’s good and right,
Why must my three keep out of sight
Beneath the vicious square root sign,
I wish instead I were a nine

For nine could thwart this evil trick,
with just some quick arithmetic

I know I’ll never see the sun, as 1.7321
Such is my reality, a sad irrationality

When hark! What is this I see,
Another square root of a three

As quietly come waltzing by,
Together now we multiply
To form a number we prefer,
Rejoicing as an integer

We break free from our mortal bonds
With the wave of magic wands

Our square root signs become unglued
Your love for me has been renewed

Lake view

That's my new header! Lake Garden in Taiping. One beautiful spot. Love it, missing it. It reminds me of hope.

Nice?

Homemade ice mango tea

Is it a good start? Cause today I am feeling positive all of a sudden. Now now, how long has it been since I last felt this way? Hmm.. I wonder if my homemade ice mango tea has anything to do with this. Aha, aha. Some funny potion in the drink

***
One hour a day. One hour a day. One hour a day. Got to do this. Pen it down my friend! Pen it down. No. Pencil it down. I prefer pencils. If I can make it happen, then I will be falling in love with myself again. Haha. Yes, I am not making any sense.

***
On a journey to a place where I will find peace again. Calmness comes from within and without.

***
Ice mango tea anyone? Will add a twist of lemon for ya!

A story of an elephant and its rider

It's the last few moments of the year 2009 and most people would be blogging about what had happened throughout the year. But I'm gonna tell you a story.

During my Christmas break, I spent my time reading this book "The Happiness Hypothesis" by Jonathan Haidt. Haidt made an analogy on how to relate our subconscious mind and our conscious mind which he said is the elephant and the rider respectively.The rein used by the rider to control the elephant is the only mean of communication between them. The rider is smart and he is able  to communicate with other riders and he gains knowledge. The elephant is helpless and moves based on mere instincts. Then again, the rider has a very limited role. He makes choices. He chooses which path the elephant should go to. Left, right, straight or back. The rest of the work is done by the elephant.

What if the rider loses his rein? Or if he is not able to control his own elephant? The elephant would not go on a rage. It would simply follow whatever it thinks is right, whatever that it used to do daily just like a computer program. As I was reading the book, I wondered how did my journey with my elephant was for the past few years. I believed that the conscious rider is our soul. Below is my story.

In my past, I was a very skilled rider. The choices that I made most of the time lead my elephant and I to victory. I knew I had tamed my elephant well enough that I threw the reins away. I understood my elephant and he me. I would talk to him and he would understand what I say. This harmonious relationship between both of us nurtured creativity and the ability to grasp knowledge around us with arms wide open.

I found that it was not only my elephant that I was able to tame. I somehow believed that I could understand other rider's elephants too. I was able to make friends with any rider that I met. And some very intimately. I was happy.


One day, there was a war. I tried to escape but to no avail and my elephant was afraid. From what I could remember, there was a huge explosion in front of me and the world went blank for a few days. When I finally opened my eyes. I could not feel my hands, I could not feel my legs and I could not feel that cool breeze that I once loved so much. The touch of raindrops on my skin was no longer there.


I was paralysed. I could only see and talk. I looked at my elephant. He is now blind. He is now mute. He could no longer hear my words. The harmonious bond between us was destroyed. He could not grow any wiser without my advice. There was no more knowledge that I could instill in him. He now makes his choices without a sense of direction and without my command. Alone and helpless. He thought that I left and abandoned him for good. 

I was not there when he needed me. And so, we moved on. We both exist side by side without a relation. How sad, I could not go to him and give him cookies for a festival or sweets when he had done a good work. I felt lost. We together are lost. Till now.


I hope one day, we would accidentally bump into a doctor. And hope that the doctor would cure my paralysis and my elephant's sight and hearing. Until then, my life and my journey would be on a defected autopilot. I could no longer steer.

Off to Montreal

Haha. At last a vacation. In 2 hours will be heading to Montreal. Going with a new found partner by book! "The Happiness Hypothesis" by Jonathan Haidt. Good book, good company.

Will be back in about 6 days time. =)

Thou shall hate winter

This is about what happened yesterday. I had my chemistry at 8am in the morning. The night before it was snowing and accumulated about 3 inches thick. I was up awake and studying for the exam and it was about 7am the snow shower stopped and changed into a heavy rain with freaking strong winds!!

Snow + Rain = Very very very messy slushy slushy environment outside. Gosh. And I had to cycle to my exam hall which was at Metro Toronto Convention Centre, so I had to cycle longer than usual to get there. I was too busy studying that I forgot to check the time. it was about 7.20am and well it wasn't too late but I need to find the exact location of my exam hall inside the building so I rushed and I was lazy to take out my winter shoes. I thought it wont be so bad since the snow was not so heavy. Big mistake.

I pakai la that normal sneakers from Malaysia yang tak kalis air. Hopped on my bicycle and started pushing my way through the slushy road. Fuh. It was so slippery!! And the wind blowing like want to send me off flying! Lucky at least I was wearing proper jackets, yeah jackets. One not enough. My body did not get wet but my pants were soaking wet!! The shoes and my feet!! It felt like being placed inside the freezer. The toes paraylsed.

Oh yeah, me cycling gloves. Not waterproof so... Frozen fingers as well. I did my 3 hour exam with that icefilled shoes. Ooo. Brr. Chemistry was a hell lot tough. Monstrous!! 50 objectives in 3 hours. I was wondering why are they giving so much time for 50 objective questions? See the paper only know. Dropped dead halfway. there were about 9-10 questions that even if you get to open a textbook, you wont be able to get them right. Complex applications. I was sitting at the front most table and my chemistry professor was right in front of me staring all the time. All that I was thinking was "damn! If I could only read your mind!!"

Done with exams had to go through the rain and slushy sloshy road again. The wind was even stronger this time. Adui. It was like a battlefield! I was nearly home, when I got down from my bicycle and wanted to cross the road and so I psuhed the bike. There was this huge pile of snow by the pavement. Considering myself already in a terrible mess, I wanted to mess things up. So I went around kicking snow! Nice! Until my foot hit a hard hard object. OUCH!! Damn. It was a big rock covered by snow. Manalah saya tau. =(

Reached home. Straight into the bath!! Ahh... hot water, hot water!! I was under the shower for about 30 mins. Defrozing my toes and my fingers. Its a weird feeling when frozen body parts get sudden hot water treatment. Like as if you cant feel anything but there is something. Ahh. I don't wanna go out anymore. But my food stock not gonna last for another day. Arghh. Low temperature means high food consumption. I had been eating non-stop.

That's it. I need to sleep. My sleeping pattern is really out of order. High entropy change in body metabolism rate. (entropy = "degree of chaos")

I need my eternal summer. Any votes?

Connecting-Connecting-Connected-Online

This is not the right time to be blogging but yeah I am. I dumped my laptop on Nov 30th so that I could (I thought) actually concentrate on my finals which is gonna start on Dec 7. Things didn't turn out fine. Haha. So stupid of me! My Economics, Chemistry and Physics notes are in my laptop and how to study without it? Plus past year papers are also online which I did not print out before. =(

Let that be it. Another different agenda. These, 5 days being disconnected I realized that my productivity level is far far below average. E.g. I could normally finish 3 topic sections of calculus + exercises in one hour and a half with my laptop by my side and without, I could only finish 2 topic sections in that same time frame minus exercises!! Sigh..

My original hypothesis was, "If I could avoid from being distracted by my laptop, I could use that time to study." Hell, my hypothesis is far from true. The conclusion after the experiment is "Time is divided for studies and for laptop distractions with a marginal ratio of 2 : 4 and productivity level is average." I know this is not gonna explain anything. Its kinda weird and confusing. Below would be some scenarios that I went through :

Without Laptop

1. Everyday, I am sleeping for 12 - 13 hours!! Damn it. Too much of sleep makes me lazy.

2. I started skipping my physical exercises and use that time to sleep instead.

3. My sleeping function is going haywire. It was suppose to be Inverse Sleep Function (nocturnal) but now it is back to Normal Sleep Function.

4. Related to 3. Since now I sleep at night instead of day, I had to study during the day instead of night. My productivity level during daytime = very very low and slow.

5. When I get bored studying which happens occasionally and periodically (every 15 - 20 mins), I stand up from my chair and start reading novels or go to the window and stare at the road, walk around my room aimlessly, going out of the house and to the bakery to get my stomach filled up every now and then, and also a very high tendency to jump on the bed and hide myself under the blanket. (all these activities are eating my time).

6. It is TOO QUIET!! Haha. Had to complain on that. =P

With Laptop

1. I sleep a good 4 - 6 hours. This regulates my normal body metabolism rate and keeps me active and I have more time in a day to spend.

2. I exercise regularly although I don't know what this has to do with the absence and presence of laptop, it simply happens to be the case.

3. I sleep when I am non-productive and am wide awake when its the best time for me to study; night! To relate this to why the sleeping pattern changes is because of MSN buddies. I wait to chat with my friend back in Malaysia. This keeps me up awake at night. =)

4. When I have the laptop and if I get bored studying, I usually chat, go check facebook, read news or listen to music. All these are done with me not moving from the table. Higher possibility that I will continue with my studies.

5. Music! Keeps me alive. Haha. Not so quiet is better.

Okay. That's it. My laptop is actually helping my studies. Haha. Just need to cut down the distractions a Little bit. =D


 

Offline

Okay. Since my final exams are coming up in about 7 days, I decided to dump my laptop. The main distraction, no the ONLY distraction that keeps me away from my textbooks. I find it that dumping it is the only possible solution. Let it hibernate without electricity in my wardrobe for some time. Haha. Why in the wardrobe? Saja saja. It might wanna try some of my clothes.

**

Life is odd is it not?

I Deem

I deem for a warm hug

To cuddle with you under your arms

My heart sedated with drug

Your hazel eyes a virtue that charms

I deem for serendipity

A moment to ponder upon the deck

A scarlet silk, smooth around your neck

Dreaming of you, an image so pretty

I fell…

I’m falling for you

You, that wishing star

Shining through my untreated scar

I’m keen in wait to hear from you…

I deem for a dream

Of you and me, forever to be

The colours as light as cream

Are now fading in a pool of stream

I deem for your love

To feel and to heal

The myth is surreal

And I deem…

Of you for real…